Unfortunate events

I went to the hospital today with a group of my friends, to visit a good friend a coworker. I had a hard time looking at him. He seemed so positive, but I think that we all knew what was going on in the back of his mind.

A few days back he was in the car with mother, the light changed and as his mom drove out someone ran a red light and slammed into them, his mother died on impact. Whats really hard is the fact that his dad passed away almost three years ago.

The only positive thing that I keep telling myself is that she is in a better place and with her husband now.

In the hospital I kept having flashbacks back when I was a kid, staying behind in the hospital waiting for my dad to wake up.

And looking at this great kid who was laying there in pain knowing that he was broken not just physically but mentally broke my heart. He is a good guy and his mother was the sweetest women you would ever meet. I was having a hard time keeping tears back, so I pathetically left the room early

And I keep asking myself, Why to horrible things happen to the best of people?

Makes you realize how mortal you really are.

Blahhhhh

I always day dream about my life starting with, " once upon a time... " and getting swept off of my feet because quite frankly my life and current relationship are kind of on the rocks...

I suppose that it's nice to day dream about things but in the end it gets rather depressing knowing that there is no such thing, and certainly not for me. I feel like I'm just going in circles and trying to get out of it just ends with a door in my face and me going back to the same routine.

Sometimes my boyfriend frustrates me. Makes me feel like I'm not important, and not in the silly petty ways that I hear other girls whine about, but not enough to justify ending it in whimsical decision.

Then he does something for me that I wasn't expecting, something that actually requires him to go out of his way without my asking that is so thoughtful it makes me realize he's trying to say, "I love you babe, even if I have a hard time showing it all the time, I love you."

I love you too.

P.S. My 21 birthday last Thursday, he made it so wonderful

Disney made me cry :'(

So I was cleaning and I put it the "Little Mermaid" to have some back round noise. Then I put in disc two and watched the features, yadda yadda...

Then I watched the 7 min short story "The little Match Girl"

I got all teary eyed. It was so heart breaking. I can't believe Disney would have remade something so sad.

My 4th

So My 4th was pretty good. I had to wake up and go to work at 8am and I was off by 5...

And I bought sparklers!!
Me and Lance walk around the block (after our sparklers) and watched all the fire works.
It was pretty amazing.

Another rant about my job

So I am upset.

Every time I buy food because we have none at home it's always on my last break and I have to put the cold items in the fridge, well at anytime from 8:30 to 11:30 when I get off someone has already stolen it.

This is not ok people.

The first time it was a pack of soda for Lance because he wasn't feeling good and thats what he wanted. Someone stole it. That upset me off but I let it go. But when you start stealing my dinner almost every other night I'm gonna get pissed off.

It is no ok to steal my $10 bag of chicken that we were going to eat for dinner.

You guys are literally stealing the food from our table because when you take that then there is nothing for us to eat at home and we usually starve. I don't spend $300 to $400 dollars a month on food at that damn store for people to take it from me. I barely have enough money as it it.

I once again am going to bring it up only this time to my store director because this is wrong and if I had time with Lance to really go grocery shopping I would but we never have a day off together.

I am really disappointed in the people that I work with.


Vent #2

I have a nasty head cold for about the last 4 days. And I have been to work for all of them. I have to work 7 days is a row without a day off feeling like this. I have no voice, My nose is running and my ears are so plugged Everyone sounds like they are under water.

I don't want to call in because closers are short handed and that wouldn't be fair to them, so when I ask if I can come in later in the evening rather than work a full 9 hour shift don't bitch at me because I was originally going to call in sick today.

Catch me if I'm wrong but wouldn't it be better for me to come in later and help close than not come in at all?

I already feel sick why do you have to try and make me feel worse?

Last post = Lame

I am having a really bad week for art. NOTHING is coming out right.

The other night I couldn't sleep and I filled an entire sketch book up from 5am- 10am... I finally crashed at 10ish and was woken up by Lance and his friend John at 1... I drank a lot of coffee that day.

It could have been exhaustion. But I do know that I sketched so much in my book and on my tablet that my fingers cramped up and hurt like hell, but I didn't want to stop.

It was ridiculous...
and now I need a new sketchbook.


(ps Applied this morning for a new job at my bank across the street. Hoping I get it.)

I'm hurting.

I am very frustrated right now. Tonight I just cried my eyes out on my boyfriends shoulder.
I have so many dreams and goals and when I get so exited because something is going right and it looks like things are finally looking up for me...

The big kid pushes me down and steals my lunch money.

I don't understand. It's easy to say what I have to do but honestly I am always two pillows 2 short of the perfect hide out.

I feel helpless... like a little kid. Staring at what I want in the candy store but not enough penny's to buy it.

How come everything that I put my all into just gets thrown back in my face?
For once I would like to be rewarded for my efforts and hard work.

Or maybe I really am just not good enough.

How long?

How long is it going to take before our gas prices reach the same $ as Europe?
It keeps going up and supposedly expected, going to be $5 by July.

I am really questioning weather or not I can even afford it on my paycheck now that they cut my hours.

I have learned...

To be nice to everyone you meet.

Because just like you everyone struggles,
and everyone is fighting their own share of battles.

Everyone has felt pain and heartache,
and everyone has lost someone that held a special place in their heart.

Everyone has cried,
and at some point has felt alone.

Everyone has been let down,
by people who were never supposed to.

Be nice to everyone that you meet,
Because they are all walking in your shoes.

I don't think I have ever cried so much...

While watching tv.

A show caught my eye while I was cleaning the kitchen. And the plain reality about how many animals get put down in shelters everyday is just heart breaking.

It's not their fault that people refuse to get their animals fixed, it's not their fault that people purchase cats and dogs and realize that they signed up for a responsibility close to that of a kid.
Then when they realize that they can't handle it they dump it off in a shelter at their convenience where they wait for a second chance, or in most cases wait to be put down.

Breaks my heart

Breaks my heart even more when some of those dogs come from puppy mills. Bred and inbred over in over again with no real human contact and left in cages isolated their whole lives only to end up op doggy death row.

Makes me cry, because I think people are sick. And people who know this and still buy from puppy mills are no better. Your supporting the abuse.

In conclusion I think that it is wrong to purchase animals on a whim if you don't plan to take responsibility for it.

If you can't take of an animal for legit reasons find it a good home yourself!
And please if your not a real breeder, get your damn animals fixed.

thanks

The path to beauty is painful

I went jogging the other day for just a half hour and I woke up this morning and felt like I couldn't move! ... and I thought I felt bad right after the jog... there was no way I was getting up with morning for jog number two.
Even though I am sore the jog itself felt really good.
I neeed to get into shape.

I am going to try again tomorrow.

And this is for Rachel

POST ANOTHER DAMN BLOG!!!

Because I miss reading what you have to say!

How sad

I met a friend way back in high school.
We went on a trip to Mexico, and became good friends instantaneously.

It's sad to think that we cannot talk to each other anymore. That we can't just call the other one up and laugh like we used to.

Phone calls turned into letting the voice mail get it because I was tired of hearing the same problems and you would never take my advice or even let me speak.
I found out that you lied to me and you hurt me... turned me away from people that meant the world to me.

I tried to stay away from you because you turned into someone else and not the friend you used to be. Then when I got the courage to try and confront you about it... you stopped calling, texting or trying to make any contact. You ignored me and blocked me.

Because I caught you in your lies? Why did you have to lie to me about something so stupid?
Why did you have to lie to me about things that greatly altered my life in a way that you cannot possibly fathom?

You like to make blogs about me not being a true friend all the time well now it's my turn. I hope you are reading this and get over yourself enough to call me and tell me what's going on? This is the only way I know how to contact you.

Unlike you I don't have a " Light switch" to just turn my friendships on and off, because that is not a real friend.

So I hope your reading this.
Just stop the lies and call me.



: I am not really sure how many people actually read my blog but this one is a bit personal to someone else and they know who they are :

Issues

So I am having a few issues with my laptop but hopefully I got all the bugs fixed.

I am really fighting myself not to break down and buy the Macbook Pro, even though eventually I know I am going to have to get a mac.

But after having to flush my laptop and almost start over it feels like I have a new computer again...only it's old. lol

My little old man is still kickin ( :

But on top of all that I love my laptop. It was a birthday gift from Lance and it's a very good comp just out dated. I figure if I take good care of it still it will last me a good deal longer.

I have been looking up job postings for graphic design workers needed and I am surprised at how many job in that field are in the Portland area. I always get frustrated when people tell me that I will HAVE to move for my job simply because there is no work in the field around here.

And I have to say that after a confidence booster I am hugely inspired by tashihandmade.com
Not only is this person have incredible skill but they have experience in designing world wide. It's very inspiring.

I want to continue working at what I want to do and I am going to stop letting other people discouraging me.

God has made me capable of doing what I want to do.

Expansion

Just watched an interview with blizzard for the expansion, Wrath of the Litch King. And I think I am going to enter the art contest for Arthas and Frostmourne. Doubt I will win because there is some major talent entering and my skills are really not up to par yet...

Yes I play WoW. Not to many girls do I find. I am not a hard core player... I mean it did take me 2 years to get to 70... But my boyfriend is a big WoW Freak and got me to play, and it took me a long time to get into it. But now that I got it down I really like it, good game, always changing to make it worth paying $15 a month for it. Unfortunately some people take it WAY to seriously and become addicted to the game itself.... come on, It's a game people!

Anyways, that's all for now.

Here's something

... Important to say. I hate, hate, HATE, the kind of people to trash talk or dislike something just because it's popular

Like people who

Hate myspace because everyone else has one.

Refuse to by and ipod because Apple is too popular.

Wont drink at starbucks because thats where everyone gets their coffee so lets go to a different place even though theirs tastes like crap.

Mustangs just because who doesn't have one on the road?

Hair cuts, Clothes, drinks, tv shows, you name it.

You should only dislike something because it doesn't do it for YOU, not because the rest of the world likes it.
Now I am all about supporting the underdogs but hating something for the sake of being different is really pathetic.

Who cares if everyone else has one. Have one because you want one. Or go with what ever the heck you want.

As far as I am concerned your just as bad as people who flock to what everyone else has for the sake of popularity, because on you quest to be different you yourself have let other peoples opinions tell you what to do and buy.

And I think your lame

Goodbye hours

So my hours at work have drastically been chopped in half. About this time of year that happens but we have so many ( Lazy) New hires that I still don't see me getting all of my hours back.

So I am ONCE again seriously looking for a new job. I think I have been saying that for way over a year now but I mean it this time! I swear.... Maybe...

I am so poor right now that I haven't gone out and done ANYTHING. Someone needs to come over and save me from my boredom before I start ripping out hair!!!

I can olny play so much Mario Kart Wii by myself for so long.

Update, update, update

I bought a printer today from work for 30 bucks because it was the last one...amazing! I only had to print out one thing but now that I have a printer I just want to print.... I want to print something, Anything!

I entered an art contest but I wont know if I won or lost until the 5th... I can kind of see that I am not a winner though because there was some pretty amazing entries and mine looks as though it would have come out better if I did it in crayon... maybe.

And the only think that I have accomplished on my 8 days off was finally hitting lvl 70. Other that that I have done jack diddly, and it has been amazing.

I really needed a vaca even though my hours have been chopped in half. People at work are driving me insane. It just amazes me what some of the new hires get away with and they are still working there. And it really makes the rest of us ( or at least me) feel used because we are working hard for our money and getting paid just as much as the people who are standing around talking and flipping there cell phone out on the floor and texting in front of the customers.
Or asking for help and then walking away when we are doing all of their work for them.

It's very annoying. Especially when they are walking away to flirt with your boyfriend. I just want to ask, "are you for real?"

...

Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here....

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.

Weather you believed it or not you were loved by the people that mattered most and they miss you more than you could probably ever have comprehended before you took your life.

I just pray your with God now.
Rest in peace.

That feeling

When your eyes water and your heart jumps to your throat,
because you see the joy in a person after something great finally happened for them, and to someone who really deserved it.

I feel that way because I am trying to fight back tears because seeing that makes me so happy.