No No No!

I am not pregnate I am just freakin fat apperently ok? that has to be the worst thing you can ask someone! I feel so ugly...

WoW

...yeah my boyfriend has pretty much turned me into a nerd... was that possible to turn me more into a nerd than I already was?
Yeah It's pretty possible.

Whats next for me?

Last night I was whatching a seriously disturbing murder case on tv. And it made me realize that it's not just TV. It really did happen...It readlly does happen all the time. People are killed and people die and most of the time it isn't fair.
It haunted me, the thought about someone close to me being killed or dying. Or even myself dying. Whats waiting for me after death? You can't tell me that it just ends there. It brought tears to my eyes when I thought about being left behind mourning over my loved ones. And call me nerdy but I thought about Lord of the rings when Gandalf expressd how the after life was a whole new adventure.
I thought about it for a long time last night and then I seriously brought my faith into picture. And I asked my boyfriend about how he felt, on what draws the line between heaven and hell. Does my faith and my love for God make the cut? My boyfriend and I haven't been to church in a long time. But we do pray and we do have faith. We both love God and we both believe that he sent his only son to die for us, but is it enough? My boyfriend of course, trying to make me feel better just said, "I think we'll do just fine..." and made a comment on how he felt that you have to do something pretty bad to go to hell. Or just not accepting God for one.
And then I remembered things from the bible that mentioned all you have to do is love God and believe that he sent his only son to die for our sins. Is that all? but then what about those who devote their entire life to God day in and out compared to people like me who are more, yeah I love God I believe in what Jesus did for me. Is there a difference? Is there a point? not that I don't agree with devoting your whole self to God but I'm a little confused. Is it going to be another when I get there I'll find out questions?
There are so many answers, so many ideas, so many beliefs and religions out there that have there own Idea on how to Love God and what happens after you die. Like who ever said that you have to sing to worship? It's all just very confusing to me.
It just makes me realize how short life really is. Its too short to do it tommorow, Its too short to feel sorry for yourself, its too short to be miserable, and life is too short to care that its too short. Life is just too short to not try and be happy.
There is no more tomorrow anymore natasha because tomorrow may not be there...How depressing.

Me and my brain farts

Ohmigosh I feel like a friggin air head! I left for my cashier class and when I got there I seriously could not remember if I locked the door or not. I felt so retarded and I was freaking out thinking about my bass guitar and all of our stuff flying out the door. Expecially since our car got stolen from this place a few monthes back. I texted Lance and then called my appmt. office to have them check on it and I felt horrible. I came home to find that the door was locked but I have no idea if it was me this morning or my appmt. manager who went to check it for me. So I checked the place out to make sure there was no one in here to jump out later. Everything was fine.
And my boyfriend was kind of jerky at first and then he appologized and told me he loved me and to be carefull going home. It's nice to know I'm cared about.
<3

I want a yes or a no!

I'm a little confused right now and my heart kinda feels like its been tied into a knot. I am really tierd of getting advice from people cause even though what they are saying sounds like a really smart idea, I never take their advice. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do right now. My whole world came to a stop. I wanna let it out but I don't wanna talk about it. Does that make any sence? Maybe I am waiting for the right moment to really express it to the person that I should. But I already have... but maybe not in the way that it hould have been expressed. Why does everything have to be so complecated. Why can't a yes just be a yes and a no a no? How long does it take to give me and answer? Expecially one that will change my whole life around and possibly break my heart.