I am not going to lie about it... I am scared... I am tired of waiting to find out if what I have is cancer or not. I have to wait until the 27 of this month and I keep getting more and more paranoid.
I can't help thinking that I am only 20... I am to young for this. I am to young to worry about death! There is so much life that I haven't been able to live yet! This cannot be the end for me, not yet.
I wonder what happens after someone dies... I mean what REALLY happens. Since all of the dead people are dead they can't really tell us now can they? I know what I learned in church, but they can only tell you so much. The bible only tells you so much. I get the basic idea, but what about the details. And then the question that keeps coming back to me pops in my mind.
What draws the line between heaven and hell? Is believing and loving Jesus really enough? there are so many questions that no one has the answer to.
Like my grandpa who passed away a few months back would say, the human mind was only made to understand so much... or something like that. But I want to understand, I want to know.
This can't be it for me. God I believe that you have more for me than this. I feel like a story that never got a proper ending and was only written halfway through. With so many ideas dreams that never got to happen.
Maybe I am over reacting, I don't know for sure that I have cancer yet and even if I do, with today's technology I would have a chance to live.
I just have a lot on my plate right now and a lot to think about.
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