...

My heart is torn...

And I am not sure what to do about it...

I hate this...


Eh? what is this? A foot Note? :
Love is complicated, Love hurts, Love is unfair...

Who would have known?

Looking back at the person that I was in high school, I never would have thought that I would say homework is extremely enjoyable... but that is only because I really like working in html I like fixing random errors that are sometimes are impossible to find but have the capability of throwing your whole page off!

I feel a little better after sending it my last lab work but I am exhausted. No sleep for Natasha for the last few days. I am instead tossing around and letting petty thoughts invade me. I need prayer.

On another note I want to say that I am sad after hearing about at least 2 deaths yesterday on black Friday. Both at a Walmart in two different locations. Both employees trampled to death when customers shoved their way in. I am ashamed in them. I hope those socks were worth taking away someoned life. My only question is, did no one notice when they where stepping on a body? No Big deal or what?

I hope for their sake they are in a better place and in peace.

Hearing things like that, sadly I will admit, make me even more bitter towards people.

Like I said,

I'm ashamed.

So very sick and tired

My legs are killing me.

I feel trapped, and very emotional.

I don't think I can control it anymore and it scares me. I am fine everywhere else but when I am there. Everything just seems to be running in the direction of chaos and getting worse, I start losing control. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I find more comfort in my dreams before the waking hour of when they turn to nightmares. I dwell.

But I am responsible. I know what life requires and I know that it could be worse. I try to find solutions and only find dead ends. I feel the pain of depression in the morning and anxiety at night.

All I can say is thank you God for ADD, but I need some help.

No body Panic!!

...But I think I just had an epiphany!

I concentrate so much of Death, It's purpose and meaning, and all the other fun little details. (Maybe fun is not really the word.) It finally all hit me like I figured out a how the pieces fit.

Death in inevitable so you shouldn't ever be afraid of die, because in the end your really just afraid to live with what you've got left. (Whoot! this is a me quote people, lets hang my name off of it!)
-natasha

Cheesy? Maybe...

I'll live lol...