Warm Fuzzy Feelings

After seeing baby pictures of my cousin and wife's new little girl, It almost makes me forget that I am pissed off at my own brother for not telling me about their own child. ( They had both their babies a few days apart) Still hurts a little. But I am glad that my cousin called me to let me know and his wife isn't afraid to talk to me or dress her girl in pink. There ARE in fact normal people in my family.

They may not be blood but they are still family.

You probably wont read this but Congratulations on the New edition to the Warren Family. She is beautiful.

I'm a little agitated

I became an aunt twice this week.

both baby girls.

But I only got one phone call. I guess the other doesn't believe that I need to know.
...because they no longer see me as a part of this family?

That's really how I feel right now.

I hate it

Hate it, hate it, hate it...

and I have no idea what to do about it.

I hate this torn feeling.

What should I do?

Or will my decision be made for me,

and break my heart at the same time?

Shellfish

Hmm I hate when people say they are trying to help you out but they are really just disguising the fact that they are really only trying to help themselves out.

So in the process they become severely insensitive to your feelings.

3 years is a long time to just throw away

My heart and emotions are confused as it is.

don't let your selfishness destroy something important.

blech

Emotions are irritating...

I hate mine, they are pestering and unfair.

But they are honest and raw.

I may be able to hide it from everyone else but not myself.

Is that fair?

Irritating...

I hate being bitter,

I hate hiding myself, my past, my fears, my wants, and desires.

My dreams...

I told someone today, what I went through years ago.

Everyone goes through heartache.

Because I was trying to make a point, to someone else.

I feel left open and vulnerable.

What a sorry piece of work I am, so paranoid.

I feel almost like I might have made a mistake. I have let someone take a little piece of me when I know good and well, that giving something that precious, and yet simple, thing away...

It's like relieving a paper cut. Once you let sand in there it will burn.

Once you let someone know who you are they can hurt you.

Why am I so bitter?

I let someone in on a secrete today

It made me paranoid.

Yet at the same time

It felt good to let it go.

Over and Over again...

A dose of depression in the morning and a cup of anxiety at night...

Man this routine is getting old!

I hate how uncontrollable and obnoxious it is.

I'm going to make 2009 a better year for me.

It Hurts...

Watching someone that you care about go through the same problems that you did. You want to be there for them and tell them that it's going to be ok, but you know that it's really not.

It might get better, eventually, after the scars heal. I guess all that I can do is be there as a leg to stand on when theirs fails them.

I love you.