A moment

Last night I had a huge moment of weakness and insecurity.

I feel like I want to fall asleep and not wake up. Like my life has just plummeted to nothing and all that I had is gone. I'm stuck here living in our apartment and I feel like I'm stuck here looking through a glass wall, everything I had and loved still moves on in everyday life, but it no longer belongs to me.

I hate when you act like nothing has changed, even though you took everything away from me.

I'm so unhappy I want to run away. It sounds so childish but I want to hop on a plane and just disappear right now.

I hate eating, because you say that I'm too fat for you. I'm not attractive enough for you.

Three years of my life gone to you because I was there as a convenience. To help pay the bills, cook and clean for you.

You broke my heart and you still try to use me.

I'm tired of talking about it to my friends. I feel like I need to but I feel like I say too much all the time, that they will get tired of me always dwelling.

But I don't know how to move on, not while I'm still trapped here.

Two more months. That's all I have. I think I can last without doing anything too drastic.