I am supa pissed

So I was scedueld for 3pm-12am guess when I got to leave? 12:40am... and I am pissed about it because it was totally wrong. Lances mom was waiting for us and I felt like I was the only one working, "who cares it's overtime..." I did much much more than my requierd work and I still couldn't leave. Lance had been waiting for me since 11:30 and he was getting pissed cause I couldn't leave and I had to hear all about it on the way home.

We got home at 1 in the morning and his mom was waiting for us by our door. AND me and Lance didn't have anything to eat so I made a quick dinner. We didn't get to go to be until almost 3 am. I had to get up and 7/8 in the morning. And I work up at 10am when the comcast guys came over to fix our cable. I remember waking up just enough to turn off my alarm but some how I was still in bed... So I missed my appointment that was very important... now I have to wait till next thursday.

I couldn't believe that I didn't wake up but I was so exausted for running around everywhere last night...and I have a big bruise on my foot. Not sure how that hapened.

The thing that really made me mad was I told my PIC that I had to go several times that night... I was done with my work at 11:30 and did more than my share of work around the rest of the department. She knew I had to go and after I finished putting everything away that I could get my hands on I saw them all standing there and I asked what else I had to do she said nothing... "well what are we waiting for? Can I leave? I have people waiting on me!"
She told me to chill out.
That pissed me off soo much I can't even express it. I just ran to the time clock and punched out before she could finish laughing at me (cause that pissed me off even more)

When I say that I have to ****ing be somewhere I am not just saying it.

Bitch bitch bitch- thats all I feel like doing right now...

Drama.....BANG!

Ugh I have been really good about keeping drama down for myself and trying to keep it out of my life but that is impossible. So I am more understanding that there will always be drama but there are different kinds of drama. The drama that cannot be prevented and the drama that is caused by people that do it I believe for attention.

And even if I have been keeping my own dramatic self at bay... It only leaves me vulnerable to get sucked into the black hole of everyone else's drama, and I just can't seem to claw my way out of it this time. If it has nothing to do with me, then why is it so important that people get me involved.

No more secreats I don't want to know, I am tierd of freinds betraying freinds. I am tierd of people playing games. Enough is enough. I am not a cupid and I am not your councler. I hate being put in the midle of things without having any say in the matter. If it does not involve me then I do not want to know. Because I hate knowing things and not being able to tell the people that NEED to hear it myself.

No more please I am signing myself out. You guys need to stand up and get rid of me as the middle man and handle things yourselves!

And I have to add that it is pretty hurtful that you only invite me out for lunch or to hang out just so you can talk about it and try to squeeze information out of me. Next time I wont even bother.

They are not who you think they are

I have come to realize that my friends are not who I think they are. In fact I really cannot call them my friends.

I am sorry but even though what you are telling people about me is not really much of a secret and and not even a big deal. It's kind of embaressing that you are telling other people about it. Number one it's not for you to tell people and number 2 it's none of peoples buisness so why are you bringing it up and telling people about it?

It really makes me mad. Why don't you guys talk about yourselves instead of other peoples lives? Instead of my life?

I really just want to move away. I dislike Beaverton and I hate Hillsboro and the people who live in it... I just want to move away because none of my real friends even live around here it seems like, and the few that do I never get to see.

I have decided

So I have pretty much decided that I am in love with Lance. Yeah we fight and our relationship was extreamly rocky for a while there... but we came through in a better relationship than we have ever had before. Most people cannot say that about their relationships.

If he was to ask me to marry him I would pretty much say yes. And I guess that it has something to do with the fact that I feel like we are married already.

I am totally in Love. I thought I knew what that ment before, but now I realized that I had no idea.

I got a hair cut!

See! look how short it is!

Apollo College.

So yesterday I went to my ammpnt. at Apollo College and honestly... I wasn't exited about it. And on the max ride home I realized thats not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life...

I want to do something I love yes. And I love animals but. I can't help feeling like there is something more for me out there.

I'm I really that afraid of the unknown?

Really I don't know what to do with myself. I am frustraited at myself and yet I do nothing about it. I recently went through a huge paranoia phase about death. About being killed before my time. I was having insane nightmeres and I would wake up sweating and forgeting where I was.

I was waking up afraid in the safety of my own bed.

Oh God why do I fear death when I should know perfectly well that you are there to protect me and if I do fall in the hands of death that you would save me and take me away in you arms to your place for me?

Maybe my fear comes from me lacking faith? Oh what am I going to do with my silly self? I really should look into going to church, joining some kind of prayer group or at least opening my Bible and reading what it was ment to teach me.

I have so many plans or at least ideas for my life and things that I want to accomplish, things I want to do, things I want to be that it seems unfair that life is taken so freely anymore.

I mean what gives a man the right to take another mans life?

God I am so confused but even in my doubt and my fear I realize that I have no choice but to live in the time that I have in life now. Instead of using my precious moments to worry about when it will end and dwell on the things that have hurt me.

Life is just too short for that.

Love Natasha

Today was a special day

...Because I went shopping! and I feel good getting some new clothes! but I am not done... ooohh no.

Next friday or at least over the weekend into next week I am

1. getting my hair cut
2. getting my permit renewed
3. getting a second hole in my ear
4. getting a new phone
5. shopping some more

...and I cannot wait!

I love you Stephanie!

...

I told him that I wanted to lose some weight so I could be pretty
... He said I was beautiful