Really I don't know what to do with myself. I am frustraited at myself and yet I do nothing about it. I recently went through a huge paranoia phase about death. About being killed before my time. I was having insane nightmeres and I would wake up sweating and forgeting where I was.
I was waking up afraid in the safety of my own bed.
Oh God why do I fear death when I should know perfectly well that you are there to protect me and if I do fall in the hands of death that you would save me and take me away in you arms to your place for me?
Maybe my fear comes from me lacking faith? Oh what am I going to do with my silly self? I really should look into going to church, joining some kind of prayer group or at least opening my Bible and reading what it was ment to teach me.
I have so many plans or at least ideas for my life and things that I want to accomplish, things I want to do, things I want to be that it seems unfair that life is taken so freely anymore.
I mean what gives a man the right to take another mans life?
God I am so confused but even in my doubt and my fear I realize that I have no choice but to live in the time that I have in life now. Instead of using my precious moments to worry about when it will end and dwell on the things that have hurt me.
Life is just too short for that.
Love Natasha
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