I like how when I am the victim I somehow turn into the "bad guy." When I am upset and lash back to defend myself I am in the wrong. But it's a-ok for me to be mistreated and then scolded for trying to do something about it.
and I like that for a second there, I actually started to blame myself. But unfortunately it's been more than a second because I've done it every time.
I am sick of being treated like the underdog. Not even my own boyfriend gives me the courtesy anymore.
If I can't defend myself and stand up for myself when I am mistreated, at work, at home, at the freaking bus stop!!! Then I am just going to walk away and leave it all behind me because I am so damn tired.
Common courtesy is all that I am asking for, just give it to me please?
oh yeah, Happy Halloween....
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
A tad frustraited.
I have always wanted to be a graphic designer. After the last year I have been more and more interested in Web design. I took a class in high school and I really liked it.
Me and my boyfriend are in the same html class together with two of his friends that wanted to take it as well.
I told the teacher that I wanted to go after the associates degree instead of just the certification. Now my boyfriend is saying that he wants to do the same thing.
What I am frustrated about is the fact that he is not much of a clingy, follower, has to do what my girlfriends doing kind of person. In fact he is the exact opposite. I am afraid that he might just dismiss the fact that that this is what I have been wanting to do and assume that I am the one being that way ( as it has happened in the past).
Puts a damper on my goals a little bit. But I have decided that it doesn't matter. He can do what ever he wants and me the same. If he doesn't like it then he can be the one to make a career change.
Me and my boyfriend are in the same html class together with two of his friends that wanted to take it as well.
I told the teacher that I wanted to go after the associates degree instead of just the certification. Now my boyfriend is saying that he wants to do the same thing.
What I am frustrated about is the fact that he is not much of a clingy, follower, has to do what my girlfriends doing kind of person. In fact he is the exact opposite. I am afraid that he might just dismiss the fact that that this is what I have been wanting to do and assume that I am the one being that way ( as it has happened in the past).
Puts a damper on my goals a little bit. But I have decided that it doesn't matter. He can do what ever he wants and me the same. If he doesn't like it then he can be the one to make a career change.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
!
I almost completely forgot what I was going to say here!
I was walking to the max the other day on my way to work and as usual my mind was running circles around reality.
I started thinking about my art work and pieces that I have started or not yet started that I would much rather being doing then heading to work. Then I was distracted by some little black birds taking a bath in a puddle.
It was adorable.
I then actually looked around me to see the color changing trees and it made me think about God. He created all of this around me and it has to be the most beautiful and creative artwork without comparison. And it made me wonder if art is some thing that only God can create.
Something that "artists" can only try to imitate.
I was walking to the max the other day on my way to work and as usual my mind was running circles around reality.
I started thinking about my art work and pieces that I have started or not yet started that I would much rather being doing then heading to work. Then I was distracted by some little black birds taking a bath in a puddle.
It was adorable.
I then actually looked around me to see the color changing trees and it made me think about God. He created all of this around me and it has to be the most beautiful and creative artwork without comparison. And it made me wonder if art is some thing that only God can create.
Something that "artists" can only try to imitate.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
indecisivenessssss
I am so indecisive.
I cant stand apartment shopping and now as I have just recently found out I hate looking for an affordable but GOOD school.
Everything has pros and cons...
EVERYTHING!
I cant stand apartment shopping and now as I have just recently found out I hate looking for an affordable but GOOD school.
Everything has pros and cons...
EVERYTHING!
Repetition
...What a nasty thing you are.
I am in an indescribable mood right now. Not sure how I am feeling, not sure what exactly that it is that I am thinking of. I just... am.
Life is so frustrating sometimes and I am not specifically talking about my own life, but more that it is frustrating watching people make the wrong choices. Especially people you are close to. Sometimes I wish I could sit them down and make all the choices for them and tell them, "this is real life, this how it's done." But I was not build strong enough to play God.
And then I wonder why. I sometimes view life like the game of Sims. We are all walking around almost mindless and God is controlling the clicks, but if that's the case then why do we have so much freedom. Why did he create us with free will. If he knows the outcome then what is the point? Are you telling me that we are doomed to fail? Or did God give us a real opportunity to surprise even him?
We are all so unique so amazing and yet we create our own habits that send us into nothingness. Our world is lazy. I blame video games and TV. I like it just as much as the next person but where have our goals gone to? What do we strive for anymore? Everyday the murder count goes up, everyday the crime rate grows, drop outs, suicides, theft, grows. We are destroying our own and it's frustrating. I also blame it on lack of responsibility and birth control. It all starts with people who should not be parents who become so.
Because one person who doesn't give a shit raising a child in the world today, who isn't going to give a shit.
I am in an indescribable mood right now. Not sure how I am feeling, not sure what exactly that it is that I am thinking of. I just... am.
Life is so frustrating sometimes and I am not specifically talking about my own life, but more that it is frustrating watching people make the wrong choices. Especially people you are close to. Sometimes I wish I could sit them down and make all the choices for them and tell them, "this is real life, this how it's done." But I was not build strong enough to play God.
And then I wonder why. I sometimes view life like the game of Sims. We are all walking around almost mindless and God is controlling the clicks, but if that's the case then why do we have so much freedom. Why did he create us with free will. If he knows the outcome then what is the point? Are you telling me that we are doomed to fail? Or did God give us a real opportunity to surprise even him?
We are all so unique so amazing and yet we create our own habits that send us into nothingness. Our world is lazy. I blame video games and TV. I like it just as much as the next person but where have our goals gone to? What do we strive for anymore? Everyday the murder count goes up, everyday the crime rate grows, drop outs, suicides, theft, grows. We are destroying our own and it's frustrating. I also blame it on lack of responsibility and birth control. It all starts with people who should not be parents who become so.
Because one person who doesn't give a shit raising a child in the world today, who isn't going to give a shit.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
lalalalaaaalalaaa
I am in class right now waiting for it to start. I wish that it was more days a week than just one because I really enjoy it.
I have been looking into other school and thinking about transferring. We'll seeeeeee....
I have been looking into other school and thinking about transferring. We'll seeeeeee....
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Web Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite
Hmm Had my second class today and I am disappointed that the teacher has already cancled next Wednesdays class. But the good news is, that he has asked us to make a basic website and I am pretty exited about that... although I am not sure what I am going to make it on.
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