Final Fantasy

I am in love with the new Final Fantasy for the PSP. Crisis Core.
Freaking amazing... So what if Adam and Morgan gave it an unsatisfying review. Doesn't mean that I agree with them.

But maybe it's because I have always been a huge FF7 fan.

And on another note,
I have dyed my hair Red, Black and many shades of brunette but now I'm giving blond a shot.

Stephanie Don't hate me...

And on a third note...
I think I may be the only person I know that updates my blog persistently, and that kind of makes me sad.
Because I love reading what you all have to say.

And what ever happened to emials?
Does anyone ever email anymore? I love emails.

And I never get any : (

We talked

I was afraid that he wouldn't listen to what I had to say.
I thought that I was going to have to just call it quits
But I let it out and I told him how I feel.

Some serious changes need to happen with or with out him.
And I need an answer.
I'm not going to wait forever.
But it went a little better than I thought it would
I hope I am taken seriously.

Because I am not going to wait forever.

I want to make a post

But I am not really sure what it is that I want to say.
I am very irritated right now
Flustered, confused, hurt.

It's like my feelings split into two and are fighting it out for my emotions. I can't really tell what I want and what is better for me. I have no backbone when it comes to my own well being!!!

I like change but I am terrified of it.
I like being happy even though I know that happiness fades, but weather or not I put my self in the position to be happy more often is my choice.

I don't want to make the wrong choice because my mind is saying let go but my heart is saying don't you dare...

I am in love

With Tegaki E ... so much fun if you like to doodle.. I think I may actually invest in a tablet though. I have been wanting one anyways.

http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/index.php

It's really irritating

When people seem to brag openly about their problems to others.

Personally somethings are meant to be shared with people you can trust. If it's something that hurts that much why would you just openly announce it to people you hardly know? or tell people that you cut yourself for it.
We are not feeling sorry for you because you look like your just trying to get attention from people.

And what really makes me mad is that there are people out there who have been through a lot and they live with those memories and then someone comes along and starts talking about their issues like they have it worse in the world. They have no idea how that makes people feel.

So keep your problems to yourselves and when you do need to share your problems share it with people you know and care about you.

And remember that people may seem to have everything going for them but everyone has their share of issues weather they choose to share it with you or not.

Be considerate.

So I am a huge animal lover...

I created a post on myspace that I want people to see this. It's horrifying and it's hard to fight back tears while watching the video.

I am not going to stream the video on here because I never want to see it again or even finish watching it.

But here is the link to the website

http://www.furisdead.com/feat/ChineseFurFarms/

If you purchase real animal fur you make me sick. You need to know what you are supporting.

My thoughts on abortion

So here is the deal.
Me and a friend were talking about abortion and I really didn't know what to say. She was very against the idea of killing an unborn child that was created against it's own will.

So here is what I think, after a lot of thought I agree that it is not fair that the child will not be born into the world after being created. It never asked for you two to get it on but instead it has to suffer for it. And when I say suffer I mean it. Just because it doesn't cry out in pain does not mean that there is not proof that the forming baby will show it is in pain. I will not go over it because it is painful to think about.

But if you think about it, there is no way that you can get rid of it abortion. If you think about the consequences, there are already way to many people out there that are not fit to be parents. Kids grow up taking care of themselves. That adds crime and mentally unstable people running around. Now I am not saying that if you kid is a black sheep that your a bad parent because you never know how they are going to come out. But neglect and abuse will bring a whole new world of problems. Then on top of that think about the increase of children that will be left for adoption? There is already a large number of children out there that are looking for a family to love them.

So therefore I think sadly abortion is a way of this world because people are careless and they do not think of the consequences.

I'm not I swear!

It seems like the only time that I ever post something is when I am really angry or upset about something.

This is my way of letting off some steam.

So believe me when I say that I am not an angry person I swear!

So to start off, I am really disappointed with the way things went tonight at work. I think I am about due for vacation because this stress cannot be good for me.

The Last 4 days at work I have had a massive headache that no pill can seem to cure, and it just wont go away until I fall asleep. That is If I can even fall asleep because the pain just irritates me.

I have had a lot on my mind about things that I don't really want to post but I feel like I want to talk to someone else about it. Like over coffee or something.

I'm kind of exited for Valentines though. I have close to no money right now because I am trying to pay off a huge mistake that branched into several. But I am planing something very special for him, so I cannot wait.
This month is also our two years together on the 23.
2 years of moments thinking it would last through what it did, but here we are now.

I am also thinking that I need to start calling my friends since they will not call me. Because I miss them all terribly.

Thats all,
Goodnight

I am gonna say no

Yesterday night on the news I was watching something pretty disturbing.

They say that it is as small as a grain of rice and it's a microchip that they inject into you body with all of you personal information.
That doesn't sit right with me. Then on top of that me and a guy I work with were discussing it and he said he would send me a link for a video that had more information on the topic.

the Video mentioned that in the future the chips may become mandatory...

After watching that, I now know that I REALLY do not like it.

On top of that it said that they want to merge the America with Canada and Mexico making us one whole and our currency would change and it will go by another name.

The whole idea of that kind of scares me. It sounds like a disaster waiting to just explode.

And having a microchip floating around in my body makes me feel exposed. Uncomfortable and personally I think big brother has enough control as it is. But that is just my personal opinion.

I am hoping that all of this is just one big rumor. Although I saw the Chips on TV myself so the rest of the information I received almost sounds believable.

you can watch it for yourself if you would like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuBo4E77ZXo&feature=related

I miss you

I really miss my friends

I miss Rachel
I miss Olivia
I miss Alyssa and Stephanie
I miss Mai
and I miss Erica
I miss Brandon and Ryan
I miss Malcolm
And so many other people that I considered my friends and some that I still do. I wont take forever putting all their names down.

I think back and I remember all those fake friends and the friends that I loved to hang out with, and the friends that were there for me.

And I really miss them all
I miss all of you and I wish that things could be the way they used to be

I could walk two houses down and hang out
Spend Lunch time in the hall
Having sleep overs and talking about boys
Trying to catch a movie by bus and missing the first 10 minuets.

When we didn't have class together we would write each other note instead of writing our papers.

Goofing off all day and night for a week and doing and entire class project the morning before it's due.
Talking about love like we knew what we were saying.
Coming over and playing mario kart.
Going for walks and talking about life.

Saying that we will always be friends....

I miss you all...

I read on Post Secret

Someone said that they would probably like religion a lot more if it wasn't filled with so much propaganda.

And I have to say that I agree with that person.

I hate how loving God has to feel like people are selling something...
When we should be giving it away.

I am such an angry person

I guess I just can't decide what mood I am going for.

Here lately I have just been harsh and brutally honest with people.

Before sadly I was the kind of person that liked to talk shit when behind their back like a typical girl but now things just pour right out of my mouth right to their face and I just don't care. Truth hurts am I right?

It's not like I am saying things out of line and for no reason but I think it has more to do with just being fed up with people trying to walk all over me and lie to my face. And it's not like I say it out of anger either.

I don't really care if people have a problem with it because before I felt guilty for just spilling my guts but later I realized that I don't even like these people. They are really not the kind of people I want to be around. I just don't care as much as I used to about their opinions and I am not trying to make any of them my friends.

So basically if your going to say something that I don't like or is offensive in anyway then I am going to cram it right back in your face.

I just hate how hurtful, dishonest and just plain out stupid people have become.
I used to be a huge people person but now I really just don't like you and all I can say is don't give me a reason to hate you.

and I am so much happier

Although I think I may have a problem because more and more I feel like I am turning cold.

I don't want to be stepped on but I don't want to be heartless either.

I don't want friends like you.

Who call me up only when they need something
Or when they want information about whats going on with someone else
Or when they need a sounding board for when they are upset.

I will always be there when you need me for those of you that this applys to

But when the only time that you ever call me up is to trash another persons name or to use me as you personal shrink then no thank you.

When I tried to call you up you are too busy for me to just talk or hang out and it turns into you talking and me listening. Am I not entitled to a conversation?

I want you guys to feel like you can talk to me when you REALLY have a problem but I have felt ussed for quite a while now and I really hate defending someone who has lied to me.
and I am talking about more than one of you.

And it kind of hurts when you all come to me with petty problems and complain when you don't realize that I have problems too. And sometimes It's all a little more than I can handle.

Do I sound selfish? I don't care because I am tired of lies and being used used.

I Will no longer answer the phone for you people when you call me all the time.

Because I don't want friends like you.And I am going to do myself a favor and make sure that I never act like you.

see ya later...

The greatest irony of love

The closest description of love that I have ever read. And you will probably never find closer other than what is read in the Bible...

I did not write this and I am not sure who did but it is beautiful and very true.

The greatest irony of love:

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after
That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes,
you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some, they think that letting go
is one way Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

We always fall in love
with the person we think we love,
Only to discover that what we loved about them fades.
Bad experiences are always remembered,
But it's the wonderful memories that are captured
To remind us that there are brighter days ahead
And that happiness exists.

You need to learn to let go
when you're hurting too much,
Realize that sometimes love just isn't enough
And accept the fact that things aren't always gonna be the same.

There is someone out there who will love you more.
It's all the thought you put into your decisions
That impairs your judgement
When your heart already knows what you need to do.
Listen to your heart.

Even though it's on the left side, it's always right.

Hello 2008

2007 was not a good year for me.

2008 I hope to accomplish more...
My licence
Getting into shape
Getting a new job
Going to school

I want to start making something with my life.

I Remember

Ew... I went over my last post and yuck... I could not spell and my grammar was disgusting.

The other day I was thinking of a conversation between me and an old friend of mine back when we had complicated relationship issues.

I remember telling him all the time that I hated how he talked about slitting his wrists and suicide. I am not sure if he really meant it but I couldn't help trying to explain to him how badly it felt hearing those things from someone that you really care about. It's heart wrenching.

Then once I can't remember what brought it on but it was a bad day. And I made a comment to him about just wanting to die (I didn't mean it). I remember silence and then him telling me that he then understood how I felt when he did that to me.

The same thing happened the other day only this time it didn't involve me,
but someone I am very in love with had to experience hearing it, and the person he heard it from tore him apart.

It is so hurtful hearing things like that from people we love like family, relationships and close friends. People don't understand. They say that no one will miss me,

But they are so wrong...

Heartache

Something is going on right now and I am not sure what it is.

I am not sure if it is just me being paranoid, or stressed out about money and not ever having enough of it.

Here lately I have been thinking too much. Thats my problem, I overthink everything. To a point where I worry and I start making up things that have the potential to happen but it never does. Things that affect my relationship, my future, my job.

I think that thinking is a good thing obviously. But I think about the wrong things.

I think I amhaving a problem with Lance. Not that hes doing anything, but al of my trust issues are resurfacing. If I can't find myself to trust him than that could be a serious issue. I am not sure why I feel this way. I have not real reason not to trust him. I think that I sometimes let his teasing gewt to me and I take it too much to heart.

Ack my money! it's gone!

Because my bills ate it :(
Ugh I hate my bank
They keep taking money I need and putting it in my savings...
even when I told them to stop that!
I am really disliking my phone and it's company more and more
I'm switching to sprint. (Rumor phone- looks prettttyy cool)
If I could upgrade my man...
I would make it so he was more sensitive to my money mood swings.
Ugh proplems!
Work drastically cut back my hours in the last 2 weeks.
I am not sure I am going to have a whole lot of money for Christmas gifts this year.
And that really upsets me. :(

The X-Box ring of death

Thats right... our xbox is dead..

Sad.

You know whats really sad. Having 4 days off but no one to spend them with. Yesterday I got to spend some time with my boyfriend but today when he went to work it was frustrating going through the numbers on my phone. All my friends are gone. They all moved away and the ones that are still around are so busy with work and school that it is hard to plan last minuet things or just to call them up or text them.

To ask them if they just want to come over and hang out.

It's sad. I felt really alone.

I spent all day playing Rock Band for the 360 and texting my Boyfriend.

And it's even more frustrating when your worried about someone but you can't get a hold of them to make sure they are alright and they wont call you even after you ask them too several times. Makes me think your dead.

It's been long enough... Just give me a damn call

Please I am so scared for you right now.